17 - Road to Damascus

The messengers of the High Priest, along with Saul, are on the road to Damascus. Samuel, the commander of the Temple guards rides on a camel while the guards ride on donkeys. Although Saul was offered a camel, he and his men, Judah, Zebulun, and Zadok, prefer to walk. A wax tablet hangs by a purple thread around Saul’s neck, engraved with his letter of authorization.

“Be it known to all, that Saul, son of Baruch, of Tarsus in Cilicia, who is also called Paul, has been appointed by the High Priest, and is authorized to arrest, bind, and deliver to the men of the High Priest any Hellenistic Jew who fails to fulfill or who actively opposes the Law of Moses, so that they may be brought to trial in Jerusalem.”

The tablet is stamped with the High Priest’s seal and is signed by both him and the Chief Officer of the Temple.


As the young man Saul marches forward, his eyes are red from the dust of the road and from three sleepless nights. After crossing the Sea of Galilee from Tiberias to the heathen soil of Gadara, he traveled through the ten Gentile cities that the wicked Pompey had taken from the Jews and settled with Greek idolaters. The men ate flat cakes, dried cheese, figs and other fruits that they’d brought with them, for they wouldn’t eat the impure food served in the inns of the Gentiles. Other than Caesarea Philippi, he avoided all cities and villages and slept in the open, or in the cleft of some rock, on bamboo mattresses to avoid the pollution of idolaters’ tents.

By the fourth day when they entered the hot lowland that lies between Mount Hermon and the oasis-like thickly covered landscape of Damascus, they began to reel like drunkards. They were breathing more dust than air, and their mouths and noses were filled with sand. It was in every pore of their faces, beards and ears, and even got into their throats and lungs. Their mantles offered no protection. The worst was in the deepest part of the lowland where the rays of the sun beat down on them like bundles of spears and they felt like they were in a cauldron. There was no tree, no bush, no shadow. Though it was still early in the morning, the sun seemed to fill the air with tongues of flame.

On and on they stumble. They see an oasis ahead like a chimera, appearing then disappearing. They see the springs, so close they can almost hear the sound of murmuring waters in the thick groves. But their feet seem cemented to the ground. The closer the vision, the more it seems they’ll never get there. The water skins they’d brought were long since emptied and the camel with the large load seems ready to fall under his burden. Mechanically, they move on.

As they march, Saul feels the emptiness in his heart growing rather than diminishing as he’d hoped. He is filled with the thought that the same faces that haunted him in Jerusalem will continue to haunt him here. He knows that no matter how harsh he is, only a few of the believers will deny their Messiah. They won’t cry out or defend themselves. They will look at him with eyes of forgiveness, thus turning the tortures back on him.

For the hundredth time, he asks himself, “Who is this man they called the ‘Son of God?’” It’s the Jewish people as a whole who are called this. How can it be applied to a single individual, especially someone who was tortured like a slave and hammered to a cross?

But what if they are right? What if the one who took on himself the basest sufferings is the highest fulfillment?

The mad question shakes him like a storm. No! No! No! He is here to prove the opposite is true!

He steadies himself and his footsteps become more defiant. But not for long. Again he sees the face of Stephen and of all his victims. He hears their voices crying out, “Saul, Saul, you are one of us; why do you persecute us?”

“What am I doing?” he cries. “Why did God choose me to be the instrument of doom and punishment? What if I’m the evil one? Oh God, help me!”

The other men are dumbstruck with astonishment, for Saul hasn’t noticed that they’ve crossed the line between desert and town, and are now among trees, bushes and vineyards. Saul’s men have already thrown themselves down on the banks of the rivulets and washed their throats with loud spitting gurgles. They’ve washed their beards and eyebrows and are now plunging their hands and legs into the water to renew themselves in its coolness and sweetness.

The road nearby is filled with travelers. There are camels and donkeys loaded with merchandise. They carry skins of honey wine, earthen jars and woven stuffs. They carry cedar beams, incense and spices. Traders from Tyre and Sidon are here as well as Arab Bedouins with their household possessions towering high up between the humps of their camels. There are lords and slaves and heralds. Caravans and individual travelers pour in from the various roads headed to the gate of the city on to Straight Street.

But Saul is in a fog. In the middle of an oasis, he feels a great weariness taking hold of him. His limbs become soft and some other will seems to take over.

Suddenly the world is quiet. The leaves and branches of the trees stop rustling and are motionless as if they were dead images rather than blossoming things. A thick black cloud, no bigger than a man’s hand, appears high above. And suddenly the colors of the world change and become fixed with new radiance. The plants look greener than ever before and their shape is otherworldly.

This is a normal occurrence near the end of summer here, when the rains are about to begin. The small cloud expands with terrifying swiftness until it covers the whole sky. What should happen next is that the winds will be unloosed, and a million storm demons take hold of the four corners of the world. The heads of trees will clash together, and the river waters will heave against their banks. Animals are scattered, and the tinkle of smashed vessels is heard. Bales of wool will tumble on cruses of oil, and donkeys and men flung together. Everyone will grab onto any kind of hold and try to seek shelter. Rocks will come plunging down on the road from the hills. Some men will call on their gods, and others will lift their hands to heaven, for it is the terror of God on earth.

But today, it doesn’t happen this way. Instead, the eerie silence remains. Shafts of light begin to break up the gigantic cloud, multiplying into bundles to become slanting pillars of solid light. Eyes are dazzled and a new fear seizes the earth. Donkeys break away and scatter and camels sink to the ground. Men kneel as the bundles of light coalesce into one burst of light that floods the world from end to end.

Saul lies at the edge of the road as though a mighty hand had thrown him down. His face is turned up to the open sky and his eyes are open. His companions stand paralyzed with amazement, for they hear him speaking with someone. They catch a few words. They know he is seeing a vision and they are terrified to be witnesses.

A man stands before Saul, a man who is both spirit and flesh. He’s not a giant but he seems taller than any man Saul has ever seen. He looks like an ordinary rabbi in a prayer shawl. His eyes are mournful yet radiant, filled with faith and love. Saul has seen these eyes before among the disciples. Since man was created in God’s image, Saul thinks this could be a spirit of the Lord. But the man stretches out his hands to Saul and the sorrow on his face is a human sorrow. His eyes are filled with tears, and his lips are distorted in pain, as if all the anguish of the world had passed into him. His voice is that of a simple man who suffers as Saul has seen so many suffer.

“Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

In that voice Saul hears the silent protest of everyone he has persecuted.

The men standing nearby hear Saul ask, “Who are you, lord?”

“Saul hears the reply, “I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you persecute.”

The men standing nearby hear Saul ask, “Lord, what shall I do?”

Saul hears the reply, “Arise and go to Damascus. There you will be told what you have to do.”

Suddenly the vision is gone. In fact, everything is gone; the whole world has disappeared from Saul’s sight. His companions ask him what he saw; he doesn’t answer. He sits there, silent, helpless, and blind.

His companions tell him that they too were blinded by the light, and assure him that their sight has returned and his will too when his strength returns. Saul hears, but doesn’t answer.

With Zadok on one side and Samuel on the other, they lead blind Saul into Damascus.

On Straight Street they find an inn run by a Jew. They enter the courtyard to the sounds and smells of donkeys and camel dung as well as the heavy odor of damp wool. They hire a little room on the upper floor where they lay the blind Saul down onto a bamboo mattress.

For three days Saul lies there, surrounded by eternal night. The world around him is like the abyss of hell into which he is forever falling with no hope of ever reaching bottom. But there is a point in his heart that is sending out rays of light. He must lie in darkness now, and these rays of light will be his hope.

His companions are impatient, for they want to report to the heads of the synagogue what happened to the messenger who carries the authority of the High Priest. But Saul doesn’t let them. He wants to wait for the sign promised him on the road. Then he will report to the heads of the synagogue.

Meanwhile his companions try to help their blind leader. They bring exorcists, healers, men who cure blindness or drive out evil spirits. Nothing helps.

Then an old man arrives and introduces himself as Ananias. Saul knows the name. He knows that this man is a pious and god fearing Jew who observes the law in all its details. He also knows that this man is one of the leaders of the congregation of believers, and he had planned on making him his first prisoner. But Ananias also knows who Saul is, and he is afraid. He is here only because he also had a vision that told him to come here.

“Leave me alone with him,” Ananias says to Saul’s companions. “I have something to say to him.”

They leave the room and the old man is alone with Saul. He sits on the floor and takes Saul’s hand in his. Saul's heart beats fast, and he trembles. Could this be the sign he is looking for? He can’t see the old man’s face, but warmth and love and understanding stream into him from the hand that encloses his. If not for the vision, this hand would now be loaded with chains, twisted and bound, until the blood gushed forth. And with this thought comes all the beaten bodies with their welt-covered backs and bleeding faces. Saul can see nothing else.

He has an overwhelming urge to just lie there, neither eating nor drinking, until he withers away. But there was that second half of the vision, the promise. In his agony, he is suddenly overwhelmed by repentance and regret.

“How did this blindness come on you, Saul, my brother?” he hears the old man ask.

“I had a vision on the road.”

“A vision, brother Saul?”

“Yes.”

“And what did you see in the vision?”

Saul stares around the room as if he can see, as though he wants to make sure he is alone with the old man.

“There is no one here but you and I?”

Saul sits up on the mattress. His eyes are wide open, and it seems to him that they are blind only to this world of ours. He can see what no one else can.

“I saw Jesus of Nazareth, the one you call lord!” he cries out, falling back on the mattress.

“I know it, brother Saul,” says Ananias.

“You know it?”

He sits up again, feels with his hands for the old man’s knees, and buries his blind face into them.

“Yes, I know it, just like I know that you came here to take the faithful prisoner, just as you did in Jerusalem. The lord showed himself to you on the road.”

Saul lifts his head up. The passion of repentance descends on him like a storm and shakes him from head to foot.

“Ananias! Do you believe there is forgiveness for my sins and salvation for my soul?” he cries.

“Saul, do you not understand that the God of our fathers has chosen you, that you might know his will, and hear his voice? From now on you will be a witness and will testify to all men about what you saw and heard. So why delay? Arise and be baptized and call on the name of the Lord.”

And old Ananias places his warm loving hands on Saul’s eyes.

A violent trembling comes over Saul and in that moment the scales fall from his eyes. A hot flood of tears breaks through the stoniness of his heart and washes away his blindness. He stares around him and sees that everything is joyous and sun-drenched. And beside him stands old Ananias, his face shining with grace and forgiveness.


Saul was baptized that very day. Then, with the letters of the High Priest still in his possession, he stole out of the city secretly, and set out all alone on the road to the wilderness.