20 - "I Will Send You"

Saul stood under the shadow of a large cypress tree, waiting for someone to come through the gate of Mary the widow’s house, on Mount Scopus, in Jerusalem. His cloak, stained with oil, blackened by the earth, and ripped by the wind, left patches of his stringy body exposed. His sandals had burst their seams, and his knobby anklebones looked like the gnarled roots of olive trees. It was just before dawn in late summer.

In making the journey from Damascus to Jerusalem, he walked all day, and slept wherever he could find a spot, whether between the pillars of some rich house, in some camel drivers’ inn, or out in the open sky. He didn’t take the time to try to earn something at his trade, for he was in a hurry to reach Jerusalem, but there were always good people along the way who had compassion. One had given him a loaf of bread, another a plate of green vegetables, a third a cup of water. It would be unheard of for a stranger to die of hunger among Jews.

Now he stood and waited

With the first glimmer of dawn Barnabas appeared. His bearing was the same as always in spite of the sackcloth covering. He still looked like a king, tall and graceful as a palm tree, just as he had when he dressed in Tyrian linen and flashy rings. Young Mark was with him, and Saul was surprised to see that he was almost as tall as his uncle. He could hear them talking earnestly as they passed him unnoticed.

“Joseph Barnabas! Joseph Barnabas! Noble one!”

Uncle and nephew looked around and saw the stranger in tattered clothing and burst sandals. This was not a new sight for them, for many like this came to the disciples’ home. Barnabas immediately scrounged in his bag to put something into the outstretched hand of the stranger.

This didn’t offend Saul, since he’d already accepted handouts on this trip. But this gift from the friend of his youth did cause a confusion of emotions. There was both pain and a strange sense of sweetness. The humiliation did him good, helping to purify him through shame. So he took it as a teaching experience. His eyes brightened and his heart was filled with joy.

He whispered thanks to the lord for his graciousness.

Then Barnabas looked into the eyes of the man who now held the coin in his hand, and tears suddenly filled his own eyes.

“Saul, my beloved brother!”

“Am I worthy to be your brother, Joseph Barnabas, after what I did to you and yours?”

“But you never stopped being my brother.”

“Not even when I persecuted the faithful?”

“Not even then, for I knew you would come to us. Your footsteps were always on the path back, even when you struggled so hard against it.”

“The lord was stronger. He overcame me.”

“Yes, we heard. Messengers from Damascus told us what happened to you.”

“But Joseph, my hands are stained with blood. Can you forgive me for what I’ve done.”

“Who are we to hold you defiled when God has declared you clean.”

“Joseph, my brother,” said Saul, weeping in the arms of Barnabas.

Between them Barnabas and his nephew led Saul into the house.


Saul was washed, rubbed with oil, fed and clothed, while Barnabas pondered what to do with his friend, whose name was still synonymous with terror among the faithful. Saul interrupted these thoughts, asking about Simon Peter. Could he talk to the man who had walked with the lord? Barnabas sent word to Simon cautiously.

He didn’t have to send far, for Simon was living at that time in a little apartment in the courtyard of Mary’s house with his wife and his mother-in-law. The two women tended Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene, who were both ailing.

Simon had also heard of Saul’s conversion and disappearance into the wilderness, and he received the news of his visit with mixed feelings. Certainly he rejoiced that Saul had seen the error of his ways and turned his heart to the good. No doubt God would use him in a great way. But at the moment, there was need for caution. His presence in Jerusalem would have to be kept secret for now. The memory of his deeds was still fresh in the minds of the congregation, and they wouldn’t trust him. So it was decided to keep Saul in the house for now, and not let him go out.

When Saul saw Simon, he said, “I’ve come to learn from you Simon, for you sat at the feet of our lord when he was here.”

“How wonderful are your works, O Lord,” said Simon. “Blessed be the God of Israel, who has worked a miracle in you, Saul. We heard what happened, and our hearts rejoice. You are now a beloved brother to us.”

And Simon embraced Saul and gave him the kiss of peace.

“You are a witness to the lord, Saul,” continued Simon. “The mouth that cursed him is now filled with blessing. The hand that killed the disciples now heals them. You are chosen of the lord, Saul. Therefore, may we never again speak of your deeds, which have been wiped clean by grace.

“But hear me, Saul. Many believers are still bitter, and their hearts are hot. Stay here until we can prepare them for you. And as the spirit instructs us, so will we do with you.”

“May God reward the congregation doubly for the kindness shown me,” said Saul.

Simon sent for his wife, and said to her, “A brother who was far from us has come home, and is therefore doubly dear. Prepare a bed for him, and set the table. Give him what food we have. Our brother Saul will be with us as long as he stays in Jerusalem.”

For two days Saul listened as Simon told him everything he knew about the lord. Then the pupil suddenly turned teacher. Saul told Simon his own ideas about the nature of the lord, as he’d discovered them during his time in the wilderness. They were the same ideas he’d advocated in Damascus.

The fisherman listened and became confused. Simon was fixed in the Jewish ways he’d been brought up in since childhood, for the lord did not change the ways of Moses or the prophets. He just set them in a new light. They were still the traditional ways of Israel. In his view, the Gentiles could find salvation in Jesus only by accepting the Jewish faith. Messiah’s coming meant that the nations would come to the mount of the Lord and would live in the ways of Jacob. Either that, or they would cease to be. But Saul seemed to be saying that the uncircumcised Gentiles were also children of Abraham merely by their faith. And what were these strange words “Son of God?”

“These are hard things to understand, brother Saul,” he said, perplexed. “When our lord was with us, he said that heaven and earth would pass away before even one jot or tittle of the law.”

“But even though our lord performed miracles,” answered Saul, “and taught the Torah to his disciples, we can’t think of these things as if they were done and taught by some rabbi of flesh and blood. For even in the flesh our lord was spirit, and we can’t judge according to the flesh.”

This was too much for the simple aging fisherman, so Saul didn’t press the issue. The thought occurred to him that perhaps it would be better if he could talk to James, the lord’s brother, who had a reputation for wisdom and piety. James, though, still lived down in the old dwelling in the David wall, with those believers who were Pharisees, so this would have to be discreetly arranged, so as to maintain the secrecy. Barnabas went to advise James of Saul’s arrival and to ask him to come to the house.


It was late at night when James came to visit. He was hardly through the door when Saul began expounding his views on Messiah. Messiah, he said excitedly, is a radiation of deity, the personification of divine redemption. Messiah is the Son of God, with power to bind and loosen not only on earth, but in heaven also. He is the authority delegated by God to order the worlds in justice. By his death he destroyed sin, and likewise the law, which had created sin. James listened closely and was astonished by these strange words.

He answered, “I don’t understand you. Messiah came to fill out God? Only idolaters believe God can be improved. Messiah came to fill out and complete man, and to prepare the world for redemption. God is Who He is. It is written, ‘The beginning of wisdom is the fear of God.’ I don’t hear the fear of God in what you say.”

“This was all true,” answered Saul, “until the coming of the lord. Up until then it was proper to fear God, who expressed Himself in law. But Messiah freed us from fear. He gives us a closer relationship with God. From now on we serve God in love.”

“Those are fine words, Saul, and it is true that God wants us to love him. But love of God is not a sounding cymbal. Love of God is expressed in deeds. For who are we that we can love God? Can we conceive His being? Can we comprehend His nature? Has anyone seen or touched Him? Idolaters love their gods because they’ve molded them with their hands, and they love their own work. But we hold no treasure in our hands. We have only the law given to Moses on Sinai. We can only love God by obeying His will, fulfilling His commandments, and serving him with all our heart. Love of God is not an empty sound, and it’s not the same as the love of man for man. We express our love through the fear that fills us and our obedience to His will.”

“That’s just faith in works,” responded Saul, “which is a stumbling block. Messiah has brought us a new faith, which is love.”

James did not answer. For him the young man Saul no longer existed. He turned to Simon who was seated in a dark corner of the room, trying hard to follow all this, and said, “Saul will not preach these things in the synagogues. It would destroy the peace our congregation has had lately.”

“No, that’s not his intention,” answered Simon. “He’s shown himself to us, and no one else knows he’s here.”

* * * * *

Not being allowed to preach in the synagogues could never deter Saul, of course. He soon went out everywhere proclaiming that Messiah was the Son of God. He argued with the Hellenists in the synagogues whether they were believers or not.

The people he encountered were astonished that this was the same man who had so recently persecuted the faithful, dragging them before the High Priest and putting them to the lash. The rift between the believing and non-believing Hellenists had healed since Saul’s disappearance, and no one was punished for believing in Messiah. It was felt that if Messiah did come back on the clouds, then the truth of the matter would be known for sure. But now Saul’s disputes were dividing the congregation again.

Moreover, the faithful didn’t trust him. This strange “Son of God” business wounded their deep-rooted Jewish feelings, and they thought maybe this was a trick to destroy the congregation. And even those who didn’t question his sincerity mocked him, and a saying arose among the believers, “Saul went out to find asses and found the kingdom.” The fact that the heads of the congregation did not accept Saul made him an outsider, both among the Hellenists and among the others. Once word got out that Saul was forbidden to speak in the synagogues, his words had no effect, except to stir up bitterness, disputes, and even fights.

The resentment got to be so great that his life was in danger. There was even talk of killing him.

This greatly disturbed the disciples, who feared a renewal of the persecutions from the Priesthood. James, in particular, was angered by Saul’s actions, and he said to Simon, “Saul must be sent away from Jerusalem. They won’t listen to a man who only persecuted them yesterday.”

Simon agreed. But how to persuade Saul? He seemed quite determined to get Israel to see the meaning of Jacob’s ladder.

And Israel seemed just as determined to throw it back at him. The House of Israel listened only to those who were recognized and accepted. They were bound with the thongs of the law.

Finally Saul said to himself, “There’s a great world outside Israel, and there are other people waiting for redemption. Is not God the God of the Gentiles, too? And didn’t the lord say to the disciples that they should be his witnesses to Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the world? Yes, to the ends of the world.”


Shortly after this thought, Saul found himself in the Synagogue of the Libertines surrounded by men with fury in their eyes as he talked about “the Son of God”. One of them exclaimed, “Saul of Tarsus, didn’t you drag men away for less than this? Didn’t you stone one, and were we not your helpers?”

Saul looked up, and recognized the witnesses who had carried out the sentence against Stephen.

“Didn’t you say then that the hands of the witnesses should be the first against him? Shouldn’t we execute the same sentence on you?”

And they no doubt would have had not Barnabas appeared, accompanied by a group of believers. After that, Barnabas stayed at Saul’s side for the rest of his stay.


It was a bitter time for Saul and he felt a great burden. He continued to stay in Simon’s house, but he knew it was out of pity, not friendship. Simon didn’t have the heart to turn him out, and he was too stubborn to leave the city without a sign. All he had was his faith in the lord, whom he believed himself to be serving with all his heart.

One day Saul was stretched out in the Temple court praying in his heart, “Holy servant of God, our lord and master, show me your face. Let me hear your voice like on the road to Damascus. Reveal your will to me, for I’m in ignorance.”

A strange joy suddenly came over him. He looked up and saw the Temple shining in the sunlight, surrounded by the children of Israel kneeling in prayer. He looked up toward heaven and saw an intense blue blazing in the blue depths, and out of that core of light someone emerged with slow steps. He heard a voice echoing in the chambers of his heart, “Arise, and hurry away from Jerusalem, for they will not accept your testimony concerning me.”

Saul was not lost in the vision. He stayed clear headed, for he knew the vision was a message, and he must read it right in order to know what was expected of him. He called out, “Lord, you know how I persecuted those who believe in you. You know that when they shed the blood of your witness, Stephen, I was there as one of the killers, for I guarded the clothes of those who killed him.”

Then Saul bowed down again, and hid his face once more in the stone floor of the Temple court.

And the voice spoke again, “Go, Saul, for I will send you far away to the Gentiles.”

* * * * *

And just like that, he had his answer. When the disciples heard that he was willing to leave Jerusalem, they gladly sent him to Caesarea, and his friend Barnabas accompanied him part of the way.

“The words of the lord will be fulfilled,” said Saul. “Until then I will wait in suffering.”

“Until then I will pray to God that the fulfillment comes soon,” answered Barnabas.

The two friends exchanged the kiss of peace. For a long, long time Barnabas watched Saul as he rode away, the dust rising under the quick, quiet steps of the little donkey.

END OF PART ONE